Touch Me Again
by CeliaEquus
Summary: Phil made an executive decision: he would NOT, under any circumstances, tell Bucky that they were soulmates. But he wasn't counting on a scheming Steve Rogers. Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers, or any other Marvel thingummies, nor am I making money from this. Rated for some swearing.


"Touch Me Again"

Phil Coulson had long ago decided that soulmateship _sucked_.

Oh sure, it was wonderful when you found your soulmate, _if_ you could convince them that you really were soulmates, at least tempt them as far as a kiss. A kiss would definitely prove it, but strangers were unlikely to want to kiss someone they'd just met unless they were sure. Because you see, you identified your soulmate through touch, but it was only ever one-way, and only on the first touch.

In other words, the rich and famous had to be careful, because if they hadn't found their soulmate yet then anyone could shake their hand and exclaim that they were soulmates, get a media-worthy kiss, and their fifteen minutes of fame.

Two minutes, if you were Tony Stark.

Phil didn't like touching strangers, and he didn't like strangers touching him. It came with being a SHIELD agent; a baddie could pretend they were your soulmate for long enough to distract, and then strike. So far, he hadn't found his soulmate, and if his had found him they hadn't mentioned it. Not that he could blame them; he was getting to the wrong side of fifty, his hairline was beginning to recede, and his scars went further than skin deep. His exercise routine had eased up over the last five or so years, and since becoming handler for the Avengers after the battle of New York, while recovering from Loki's spear, he'd been off regular field work.

Thank God JARVIS was the best twenty-four-seven personal trainer/dietician, or Stark's bottomless food budget would have also had a detrimental effect.

He'd long ago made up his mind that if he was the one to discover his soulmate, he wouldn't say a word about it. That Bucky Barnes, recovering former-assassin, best friend of Captain America, and one of Phil's childhood heroes was his soulmate?

"Buck!"

Phil grabbed Bucky's arm when he tottered, weak from living on the streets. He'd mostly skittered away from the others, but he relaxed under Phil's touch. Steve took over, and Phil fussed around as they settled Bucky in, getting a bed ready while Steve bathed Bucky. They didn't actually make contact until Phil finished tucking Bucky in on one side, and Bucky grabbed Phil's arm.

"Thanks," he mumbled, before dropping into sleep, his hand falling away from Phil.

"Yeah, thanks, Phil," Steve said, still looking at Bucky as he clapped Phil on the shoulder. He didn't notice Phil staring at his friend, mouth agape and heart racing.

There was no point in touching Bucky's now-bare arm, because the first touch was over and done with. And maybe he'd only imagined it? Not that he ever had before, and God knows the contact had been widespread – a whole hand – and long enough – five damn seconds – for Phil to be certain. Bucky Barnes was his soulmate.

He could _never_ tell him.

* * *

Christmas. How could he forget how dangerous it was?

Phil should've gone to Tahiti like he'd originally planned. The villains had never been so unreasonable that they'd attack at Christmastime. Of course, the year Phil would dare to be gone would be the one year someone would spoil the festivities, and it was that superstition which kept him in New York.

Stupid Bruce Banner and his twisted sense of humour.

"Look up, Agent-Agent!" Stark called from the sofa, pointing. Phil already knew what he'd be confronted with, and Bucky was right next to him. An unfortunate coincidence, and Phil blamed himself for getting caught up in the phone call to his sister.

"Hang on a tic, Liz," he said, and he put his hand over the mic of the phone. He glared at Stark. "What have I said about interrupting me when I'm talking to my sister?"

"I forget," Stark said, waving his hand dismissively. "But mistletoe, Agent-Agent! You and Edward Scissorhands have to kiss. It's tradition!"

Phil turned his glare on Bruce, who had the grace to (pretend to) look ashamed.

"This is your fault," he said, and then he glanced at Bucky; who, to give him credit, was waiting patiently, head cocked to the side. "I'm sorry about this."

"Just pucker up, and it'll be over in a second," Bucky said dryly, cocking an eyebrow.

Phil would've given his soul to be able to kiss Bucky just once, but he couldn't risk it. If they were soulmates then Bucky would know, and want to know why Phil hadn't told him, and feel obligated to… do something, when he'd had decisions taken out of his hands continually over the last _seven decades_. And if it turned out that they weren't soulmates, that Phil had been falling for the wrong person all this damn time, then he'd be crushed, and embarrassed beyond belief. And his feelings either way would be obvious to everyone. His unprofessional feelings.

"Sorry, but I don't hold with mistletoe tradition," he said, and he retreated, returning to the call. "Sorry about that, Liz. No, nothing important…"

* * *

Damn it. Timing down to perfection, and nothing. Not one fucking kiss (or kissing fuck, he wasn't picky). Bucky swallowed his aching disappointment as Phil dismissed what'd happened as 'nothing important', walking off without so much as a peck on the cheek.

Goddamnit.

He schooled his expression so the others wouldn't notice how much it'd hurt, and walked into the lounge. Steve smiled at him sympathetically, which pissed Bucky off. He leapt onto the sofa next to the punk and poked him hard, proud that it made Steve wince.

"Don't tease Coulson like that," he scolded Stark. "After everything he does for us, and putting up with that nickname which shows a _complete_ lack of respect—"

"Hey, it's only repeating his job title," Stark said. "When you think about it, it shows _double_ the respect."

Pepper elbowed him. Bucky knew there was a reason he liked her.

"Better luck next time," Steve murmured, just loudly enough for Bucky to hear.

"What next time?" Bucky muttered. "He'll be on his guard now."

Steve patted him on the knee. "We'll think of something else, then."

"Lost cause, Stevie." Bucky lowered his head as the debate about the next Christmas film to watch continued in the background. "Just forget it."

* * *

Of course Steve wasn't going to let it go. Bucky had latched onto Phil with a single-minded focus from the beginning, and the agent was so oblivious to every one of Bucky's attempts to court him that it physically hurt Steve. Not that their lifestyle guaranteed a happy ending, let alone an uninterrupted date… but Bucky deserved better than he'd gotten, and if he never found his soulmate… well, choice would be nice.

And he'd chosen Phil Coulson. Steve couldn't think of a better man for his best friend. Patient, kind, competent, understanding, gentle. Intelligent without being condescending, firm-handed whenever one of the team did something reckless, and as much of a hero as any of them. Couldn't say fairer than that. Bucky needed someone like Phil, and damned if Steve wasn't gonna give him a chance.

If not Coulson, it'd be nice for Bucky to have _someone_. Or a pretend someone, to make Phil jealous and force him to action. It was just a matter of approach…

Then the perfect opportunity fell into his lap.

"I hate magic," Steve said, wiping the sweat from his forehead as he turned around.

"We all do, Cap," Clint said grimly, somewhere up high (Steve hoped).

"Sometimes I just gotta voice it."

"Better than breaking any more of the _reinforced punching bags_ I so lovingly buy for you, Thor, and Barnes," Tony said. Steve glanced around, saw a security camera, and gave it the finger.

"JARVIS, can you transmit that to Iron Man?" he asked.

"Yes, sir," JARVIS replied. Tony hissed.

"Ouch," he said. "That hurt, Capsicle."

"I've asked you repeatedly, don't call me that."

"Hello, captain."

Steve _really_ hated magic. He swerved around and glared at Loki.

"Could you call off the pink beavers?" he said. One of those sentences he never thought he would say, but now he was a superhero dealing with people like Thor's brother.

"I thought you were the one with manners," Loki said, pushing off the wall and stalking fluidly over to Steve.

"Please?" he said through clenched teeth. Loki chuckled.

"All you had to do was ask, my dear captain," he said, getting closer. Steve blinked.

"Wait. You're not serious, are you?"

"No, but the look on your face was priceless."

Steve _barely_ refrained from rolling his eyes. However, an idea came to him out of the blue. He reached up to switch off his comm. unit, then remembered the gloves were a bit clunky, so he removed one of them, pulling it off with his teeth. He noticed Loki watching from his peripheral, but he was more concerned with making sure the others didn't listen in. Once it was off, but he could still hear them, he lowered his hand.

"I think the others are nearly done getting rid of your little… pets," he said. "Much as I hate to do this, can I ask a… a favour of you?"

Loki's eyebrows shot up. Score one for Steve.

"A favour?" he said. "You want a favour from _me_?"

"You're the only real magic user I know, since I guess… pink beavers are probably only possible through magic. Until Bruce and Tony try to recreate them, in which case I'll have to veto that, but… I'm going off-topic here."

"It's most charming," Loki said, clearly amused. Steve pursed his lips, hoping this wasn't gonna blow up in his face.

"It's about Bucky," he said. "He's… lonely. Got a crush on someone. I'm not asking you to make anyone fall in love with anyone else—"

"Impossible to fabricate love," Loki said. "But go on."

"I don't know whether Bucky's the one who'll be able to tell who his soulmate is, y'know, feel that connection. Can you… find that out?"

"Hmm. One moment." Loki squatted down, and Steve decided it'd be good policy to follow his example. Loki ran his hand over the pavement. If Steve believed in scrying pools, he would've said that the shiny puddle produced was one.

"What's that?" he asked.

"I can tell which side of the soulmateship every person in the vicinity is," he replied, his finger moving over the surface, but causing no ripples. "For example, I will not feel it, nor will your Iron Man."

"Tony and Pepper are already—"

"Ah. Well, it is possible that my soulmate decided I was not worth it," Loki said, shrugging casually. Too casually. "Considering Asgardian society…"

"What about me?" Steve said. "Will I…?"

"Feel it?" Loki said. "Yes. It can be changed, but only after the first touch has been made. The change is temporary, because Fate does not like to be messed with."

Steve frowned. "Why are you helping me?"

"It is likely that my soulmate would reject me upon discovering…" He paused. "I can empathise with those still waiting to be found."

"And Bucky…?"

"He must wait for his other half to identify him," Loki said. He tapped one spot, and frowned. "It seems… that he may have already found them."

"What?" Steve stared at the surface, even though he couldn't read it.

"There is a different look between those who have found each other, such as your Iron Man and his soulmate, and those who have yet to find their soulmate."

"Like me," Steve said ruefully. "So could you…?"

"You really ought to learn to complete your sentences, Captain Rogers," Loki said, dismissing the scrying pool thingy and standing up straight. Steve mirrored him.

"Could _you_ make the change?" he asked. "Long enough for Bucky to find his soulmate?"

Loki's brow furrowed. "And what would I receive in exchange?"

"…My ever-lasting gratitude? As long as no one gets hurt?" Okay, not the best deal, but he had to try. "The satisfaction of helping someone who's had a shitty life?"

"Language, captain," Loki said with an innocent look. "Unfortunately, I do not accept your terms."

"Loki, please!" Steve said, ignoring his team-mates asking for him to make contact. He grabbed Loki's wrist to stop him from leaving…

…and realised that their skin had never touched before. His grip tightened, and he didn't let go, not even when Loki glared fiercely, the tips of his fingers turning green. Steve could only shake his head back into order, and tug Loki closer. Or try to; the guy was an alien, and hard to move, so Steve ended up going to him.

"Make the change," he said, voice huskier than he thought it'd be.

"I have said—"

"`Tween us, Loki."

Loki's eyes widened. Steve would've laughed if he wasn't so deadly serious.

"Let go," Loki said. Steve did, hoping his soulmate wasn't about to disappear.

The glow turned from green to pale yellow, and Loki laid a hand over his own mid-section. The light faded swiftly, and Loki's breathing turned unsteady as he reached out and settled his hand over Steve's arm.

Steve was half-expecting the tears which quickly formed in Loki's eyes, and felt the same prickle himself. Before he could speak, Loki embraced him, arms around Steve's waist.

"I thought…"

"I'm not gonna turn you away, Loki," Steve whispered, and he felt a shudder wrack Loki's frame. "Not for anything. Fate wants us to be together, so we will be, okay? But you need to stop declaring war on humanity, since I'm… y'know… human."

"That could be changed," Loki said, his voice slightly muffled by the bunched-up neck of Steve's uniform. "But it would be impractical to change all of your friends as well, so I suppose…" He sighed heavily, and pulled back. "I will have to reform myself."

"You'll like being liked by people, I promise," Steve said, eyes wide and earnest. Loki leaned in and pecked him on the lips. Steve definitely would've been happier with more contact than that, but this really wasn't the time, `cause the others were getting loud. It sounded like they were done with the pink beavers (which had been more cute than menacing, if he thought about it), and more concerned with his radio silence.

"You had a request?" Loki said.

"…Oh! That's right."

* * *

Bucky was downright relieved when Steve finally showed up, fingers entwined with Loki's. He should've been used to strange sights, but that really took the cake. For the time being, anyway. He could hear Phil swearing over the comms that Fury was gonna be pissed about Captain America's soulmate being Loki, of all people.

"Why am I not surprised?" Bucky said as Steve led Loki over to him. "You were always attracted to trouble. And brains."

"Got good news for you," Steve said. "Loki's got a spell. Convinced him we were soulmates, `cause I was the one who felt it. But he can reverse it for a little while, as long as you've met your soulmate. He says you have, and he can make it so you'll be able to feel it if you meet them."

"It will only last for five minutes short of twelve hours," Loki said. "Half a day can be granted, and I used some of it on myself. You would have to seek out all you have met before who do not have soulmates."

Bucky knew who he wanted it to be, and hoped it wasn't the case. Because it'd mean…

"You're saying that I've met my soulmate, and they don't want me," he said.

"They might not have noticed it," Steve said.

"If the touch was glancing, or they were in no state to notice what happened, that would explain it," Loki added. "Judging by your line of work, the latter is entirely possible."

Okay, so the team were prone to the occasional concussion. Hell, Bucky could think of a few times… yeah, it was probable that his soulmate had missed it. He had to hope so, anyway, so he nodded.

"Thanks," he said. "Yeah. I'll try it. But just until I've found out who it is."

"Kissing them to confirm the bond will end the spell before the twelve hours is up."

Once Loki had done whatever it was he'd done, Bucky began to walk around the site of destruction. He'd touched a lot of strangers when getting them out of harm's way, so he shook hands, making sure he could be noticed by anyone actively looking for him. When that didn't pan out, he spoke with a few of the onsite SHIELD agents, making sure to make skin contact and ignoring the strange looks he got. He wasn't exactly known for being tactile, so their confusion was kinda understandable.

Eleven hours to go. He noticed Phil directing some of the SHIELD scientists to the remains of a pink beaver. Or possibly reining in their excitement over getting samples; hard to tell from this distance. He smiled fondly, and climbed over and around debris to get there. Phil knelt down beside one of the scientists, who was gesticulating wildly, and he nodded along with whatever she was saying while the other operated some tiny flying robots. Bucky walked up behind them, and cleared his throat. Phil half-smiled up at him, and went to stand. On impulse, Bucky stuck out his hand, and Phil accepted the offer.

And Bucky's world crashed down around him. He let go, and Phil nearly fell over, as Bucky reeled from the revelation.

"It's you," he whispered, meeting Phil's eyes briefly, before looking away again. Bucky remembered every second of their first meeting, of course he did, and he'd gripped onto Phil's arm before losing consciousness. Solidly enough for Phil to know. Was that why he didn't kiss Bucky at Christmas? So he wouldn't know? He staggered back a few steps. "Oh God, it's _you_. It's… you don't want… oh fuck."

"Sergeant Barnes?" Phil said.

"Don't!"

Then he turned and ran.

* * *

Phil was trying to gather the others for debriefing. It was always more awkward when the villain decided to change sides, and the situation demanded more in-depth reports. The Avengers were usually tired, but pink beavers? Not all that taxing, and Steve wasn't backing him up, because he wanted to have some time alone with Loki.

"JARVIS, please make sure they fill in their forms, at the very least?" Phil begged the AI.

"Of course, Agent Coulson."

"Thanks." He rubbed his eyes. Bucky's behaviour had confused him, so he followed Steve and Loki to the kitchen. "Captain Rogers?"

"We're grabbin' some food and takin' it to my floor," Steve said. "Tony keeps the pop tarts down here, and apparently Thor waxes poetic about them in Asgard, so Loki wants to try `em."

"Make sure you get your report done before you get… distracted," Phil said.

"Sure thing, boss."

"That's not why I'm here, though. Sergeant Barnes was behaving strangely today."

"Touching people more?"

 _Among other things_ , he thought. "Yes."

"I cast a spell over him," Loki said.

"At my request!" Steve said quickly before Phil could deck Loki. "To reverse the soulmate thing."

"…What?" Phil had a terrible feeling about this.

"So he could tell his soulmate when he touched them," Steve explained. "He's met them, so he's going through everyone. That's why he ran off."

"It lasts for a limited time," Loki said. "Agent Coulson? Are you well?"

Phil backed into the wall, his legs suddenly weak, and slowly slid to the floor.

"Shit," he whispered.

"What's wrong?" Steve asked, moving forward. "Sir? Phil, are you okay?"

"He knows."

"Knows what?"

"That I'm…" He swallowed hard, and blinked rapidly.

"…It's you?"

Exactly what Bucky had said. "Yeah. I've known since he came to the tower and grabbed my arm."

"Did he touch you today?" Loki asked, his shoes moving into Phil's line of sight.

"Started to help me up. Then he turned pale… paler than usual. He realised. Now he'll know. _Damn it_!"

"Why the hell didn't you say anything?" Steve said incredulously. "What, you don't want him? Is that why? What's wrong with Bucky?"

"Nothing," Phil said. His chest felt like it was on fire, worse than when Loki stabbed him on the Helicarrier.

"Then why haven't you—"

"He deserves better."

"What? Better than _you_?"

"Yes."

"But there isn't—"

"He deserves the _best_! And that… that isn't me." Phil clapped a hand to his chest, just over his heart, where it wasn't the scar throbbing this time. Jesus Christ, it hurt like a bitch, whatever it was. "He made that clear when he ran, instead of staying to…"

"To be rejected by you again?" Steve asked, his voice tight. Phil glanced up, and saw Steve's furious expression.

"I know I shouldn't have taken the choice away from him," he said dully. "But I didn't want to put him in an awkward position. Turning me down or feeling he needed to stay with me because some cosmic force thought we were right for each other. Assuming he believed me in the first place, and he'd have no reason to. At the time he was still getting over the brainwashing—"

"What about the mistletoe at Christmas?"

"Mistletoe?" Loki said, and he flinched. "Thor approved of it?"

"Does he have something against mistletoe?"

"It is… a touchy subject."

"That would explain why he avoided it. He should-a said something!"

"You are straying from the point again."

"Oh yeah." Steve scowled at Phil, who felt so much smaller. "Bucky's been trying to ask you out for _months_. That thing at the mistletoe was a setup to get you to kiss him."

"But… that's impossible," Phil said, though his heart was racing at dangerous speed.

"He knows what he wants, and that's _you_ , Phil! He's just found out you've known all along that you're soulmates. He's gonna think you're rejectin' him for the umpteenth time! How's that supposed to make him feel, huh?" Loki placed a hand on his arm, quelling Steve's anger, while Phil tried to wade through his mire of thoughts.

"I… I was trying to…"

Steve's face softened. "You were trying to do what was best for him, I get that. I just wish you'd come to me first. I would've set you straight. This might've been for the best, but we won't know until it's been resolved."

"JARVIS?" Phil said tentatively.

"Sergeant Barnes is in his bedroom."

"I'll set this right," he said, getting to his feet unsteadily. "I swear it."

"Then get goin'," Steve said, pointing to the elevator. Phil ran to it, the doors opening as he arrived, and JARVIS took him straight to Bucky's floor. He tried to neaten himself, but he wasn't aiming to impress. He needed to fix this mess he'd inadvertently created.

JARVIS was the best partner-in-crime. He let Phil into Bucky's room on the strict understanding that he wouldn't interfere if Bucky threw Phil out.

He was gutted to see the way Bucky was curled up in a ball, holding onto a pillow as if his life depended on it. They all trusted JARVIS, so Bucky didn't bolt when Phil walked closer, even though his eyes were closed.

"Go `way," he mumbled. Phil lowered himself onto the mattress, and Bucky's eyes sprang open. They remained wide as he stared at Phil, silent.

"I'm sorry," Phil whispered. "I wanted you all along, but I didn't… I didn't want you to feel like you owed me anything, had to be my soulmate to be on the team or risk driving me away or… and I didn't know you wanted me. I honestly didn't. I still don't think Steve is right about your feelings for—"

"I told `im," Bucky replied quietly. "Probably would-a seen it anyway."

"Oh."

Bucky sniffled. "Look, don't feel you have to say all this `cause—"

"I don't. I really don't. I just… I _want_ you, Bucky. So much. I love you more than I could've thought possible. But you deserve the best life can give you after everything you've been through. You need someone who has a hope of keeping up with you, who'll be there long after I'm gone."

"Ya don't trust Fate?"

Phil traced the pattern on the bedcovers. "Bucky, I'd give anything, _anything_ , to make this up to you. To be better, so you could be proud to have me as your soulmate."

"I wanted it to be you," Bucky said, shoving the pillow aside and sitting up. "Why d'you think I cried at the end of _You've Got Mail_? It's `cause of that line. I wanted you to be my soulmate, but I didn't think it was possible. Thought there was no way in _hell_ I'd be that lucky."

"Lucky?"

"Yeah." Bucky covered Phil's hand with his metal one. "You really don't see yourself the way we see you, do you?" Phil shrugged helplessly. "God, if you only knew. It nearly… it killed me inside when I realised we were soulmates, `cause I knew you'd been able to feel it. When I got back here, I got JARVIS to play the footage from that night, and saw your face after I touched you. Thought you didn't want me, an' that's why you never said anything."

"Oh, Bucky, no. That's not it at all."

"How am I s'posed to believe you?"

Phil chewed his bottom lip, looking Bucky over. "I could try convincing you."

"Oh yeah?" Bucky snorted, and glanced up at him. "How d'you plan to do that?"

Phil could've done a million things, but he settled on the simplest. He cupped the back of Bucky's neck, drew him close, and kissed him.

Yes. They were definitely soulmates.

* * *

Steve was still toasting pop tarts when Loki stopped stirring his tea.

"What is it?" Steve asked. Loki smiled.

"The spell has broken," he replied. Steve tilted his head, looking confused.

"Spell?" he said. Loki pointed upwards, presumably in the direction of Barnes's bedroom, and understanding dawned on his soulmate's face. " _That_ spell. Go, Bucky."

"Or Agent Coulson."

"Mind if we break ours again?" Steve said, leaning closer. "Just to make sure?"

"Why not?" Loki said. "I love magic, but sometimes—"

Steve cut him off. He'd had more than enough magic for one day.

* * *

 **Why do I put Bucky and Phil through so much angst? Why?**

 **So I'm tired this morning because I was up late finishing this, and decided to do the sensible thing of leaving the proofreading and posting until the morning.**

 **Apparently I can't get enough of this soulmate stuff lately, and I've been on a bit of a Bucky/Phil kick, which you can tell if you've been on the Phucky Archive on Tumblr. So many short stories which I will EVENTUALLY post somewhere.**

 **Please review!**


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